All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
