i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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