You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
