So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
