What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
