I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
