She is in my trunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
