I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
