i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
