Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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