Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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