I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
