Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
