the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
