also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
