I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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