Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
