I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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