I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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