idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
