worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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