My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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