alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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