Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
