she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
