I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
MIDGETS
????
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
