true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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