No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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