yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
