how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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