I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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