Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
