my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The air was thick with penises
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
