the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
