i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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