I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
