do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
