Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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