You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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