He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
