You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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