Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
