I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
