Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
