i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
