I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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