I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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