So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
