Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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