She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm getting married
To pizza
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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